‘Mum was willing to lose everything to support my trans identity in Tamil Nadu’

In 2019 Srija became the first transgender woman to legally marry in the Indian state of Tamil Nadu after a historic court ruling. Now a new documentary, Amma’s Pride, chronicles Srija’s battle for state recognition of her marriage and the unwavering support of her mother, Valli.

“Srija is a gift,” Valli, 45, tells the BBC as she and her daughter embrace.

“I know that not all trans people have what I have,” Srija, 25, from the port city of Thoothukudi, adds.

“My education, my job, my marriage – everything was possible because of my mother’s support.”

She and her mother are sharing their story for the first time in Amma’s Pride (Mother’s Pride), which follows Srija’s unique experience.

Srija met her future husband, Arun, at a temple in 2017. After learning they shared mutual friends they soon began texting each other regularly. She was already out as transgender and had begun her transition.

“We talked a lot. She confided in me about her experiences as a trans woman,” Arun tells the BBC.

Within months, they fell in love and decided they wanted to spend their lives together.

“We wanted legal recognition because we want a normal life like every other couple,” Srija says. “We want all the protections that come from a legal recognition of marriage.”

That incudes securities, such as the transfer of money or property if one spouse dies.

In 2014, the Indian Supreme Court established certain protections for transgender people, granting them equal rights to education, employment, healthcare and marriage – although India still does not allow same-sex marriages.

It’s not known how many trans couples have married in India, or who was the first. Activists say there was at least one trans wedding legally registered before Srija and Arun’s – in 2018 a couple married in Bangalore.

“Of course there are queer couples, or transgender couples, all over India,” says the director of Amma’s Pride, Shiva Krish, but because of continuing discrimination “several are secretive about their relationship. Srija and Arun, and Valli, are unique in choosing to live their everyday life out in the open.”

Srija and Arun’s attempt to register their 2018 wedding was rejected, with the registrar arguing that the 1955 Hindu Marriage Act defined marriage as a union between a “bride” and a “groom”, which therefore excluded trans women.

But the couple, backed by LGBT activists, pushed back, taking their relationship into the public domain. The effort was worth it.

They received global attention in 2019 when the Madras High Court in Chennai upheld their right to marry, stating that transgender people should be recognised as either a “bride” or “groom” as defined by the 1955 Hindu Marriage Act.

The ruling was seen by LGBT activists as a pivotal step in the acceptance of transgender people in India, with Srija and Arun both becoming well known locally for challenging cultural norms.

But media coverage also invited negative scrutiny.

“The day after local news coverage, I was fired from my job,” says Arun, who worked as a manual labourer in the transport sector. He believes it was due to transphobia.

Online trolling followed.

“People sent abusive messages criticising me for being married to a transgender woman,” he says.

The couple briefly separated under the strain.

Despite this, Srija excelled at her education, frequently coming first in class at high school.

She went on to complete a degree in English literature from a university in Tamil Nadu, becoming one of the only people in her family to receive higher education.

It’s a source of pride for Valli, who left school aged 14.

Even before battling to have her marriage recognised by the state, Srija and her family faced hostility and mistreatment.

After Srija came out as a transgender woman at the age of 17, she and her mother and younger brother, China, were evicted from their home by their landlord.

Several family members stopped speaking to them.

But Srija’s mother and brother were steadfast in their support.

“I will always stand by my daughter,” says Valli.

“All trans people should be supported by their family.”

Valli, who became a single parent when her husband died when Srija was just six, works in a kitchen at a school.

But despite earning a modest income, she helped pay for her daughter’s gender reassignment, in part by selling some of her jewellery, and cared for her afterwards.

“She takes good care of me,” Srija says.

There are thought to be about two million transgender people in India, the world’s most populous country, although activists say the number is higher.

While the country has passed trans-inclusive legislation and recognised in law a “third gender”, stigma and discrimination remain.

Studies have found transgender people in India face high rates of abuse, mental health issues, and limited access to education, employment, and healthcare. Many are forced to beg or enter sex work.

Globally, the UN says significant numbers of transgender people face rejection from their families.

“Not a lot of trans people in India, or even the world, have the support of their families,” says filmmaker, Shiva Krish.

“Srija and Valli’s story is unique.”

Srija says she hopes the film will help challenge stereotypes about trans people and the types of stories that are often promoted in the media about the group – especially those that focus on trauma and abuse.

“This documentary shows that we can be leaders. I am a manager, a productive member of the workforce,” Srija says.

“When people see new kinds of stories on trans people, hopefully their mindsets will also change.”

After premiering at international film festivals, Amma’s Pride was shown at a special screening in Chennai, for members of the LGBT community and allies, to mark International Trans Day of Visibility on Monday 31 March.

Following the Chennai screening, a workshop was held where participants in small groups discussed family acceptance and community support for trans individuals.

“We hope our screening events will foster connections between trans individuals, their families, and local communities,” adds Chithra Jeyaram, another one of the filmmakers behind Amma’s Pride.

The Amma’s Pride production team hope that the universal themes of family support in the face of stigma means the documentary and workshops can be rolled out to rural audiences, as well as other cities in India, and neighbouring countries like Nepal and Bangladesh.

As for Srija and Arun, they now work as managers for private companies and hope to adopt a child soon. “We’re hoping for a normal future,” says Srija.

“I would like to become a grandmother soon,” Valli adds, smiling.