‘I was eating 7,000 calories in one sitting – I had to delete the Deliveroo app’

I Was obese as a child – I would steal sweets. When I was sent out of class for disruptive behavior, 11 years old, I would go through everyone’s bags and take their chips.

I haven’t found stretch marks yet – but at the age of 34 I looked like a big cannonball. My eating disorder started young. I felt like I didn’t know how to process, and food helped me to feel good.

My parents separated from each other, and I lived with my mother in East Sussex. She was a cannabis addict and not emotionally available. I remember that her boyfriend got angry with me as I ate potatoes with my hands because it was faster to take it all in.

My best friend moved to South Africa after about 13 and I ended up in a new group of friends who drank heavily. I became a DJ and music producer.

Food was not such a problem during my late teens, teens until early twenties, because drug abuse took his place, but my life came to a place where I had to drink at 24, because it killed me.

It just happened that the recovery of 12 steps talked to me-I went to a few meetings and they relieved my desire to drink, which is kind of miraculous.

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I became sober, stopped at 25 cigarettes and fetched food again. Bang. I couldn’t handle all the anger and the anger that came up – the unauthorized feelings. My food addiction was ominous. It was back with a revenge because I had no crutch.

I went from 11.5 to 18.5th the next few years. I gave myself carte blanche to eat what I wanted, and justify it, because it was so difficult to give up substances.

I lived in Brighton at the time and did take -away meals. When Deliveroo became available, it was like the comfort of heaven. I ate 7,000 calories in one session – I would order three deliveries and spend £ 30 on each.

The strange thing about an eating addiction is that it’s not going, “am I hungry?” I always felt hungry. I would order all this food from my house – and I would eat it until I feel stuffed, but I want even more. I can remember that I didn’t even park through the McDonald’s drive five times to eat the food. The first time it would be 20 nuggets, the second time two double cheese burgers and a milkshake, the next time it was another double cheese burger, then Patat, and the last time it would be a McFlurry and an apple pie.

But most of the time I was at home to order meals on food apps. Eating alone is much better because you do not feel the shame of people who look at you.

It was always impulsive. I will spend my rent on Deliveroo. If there was a minimum order on items like donuts, I put three in the fridge for another time, but once I ate the first one, I would walk to the fridge for the rest like a zombie.

It happened incessantly. When I moved to London ten years ago, I would order the same pizza every night, with cream cheese-filled jalapenos, and some potato wedges-the healthier choice. The pizza would always be rubbery and cold by the end. It would just taste awful, but I would have to finish it.

It would certainly take one or two servings of food until my feelings were significantly numb, but then I would no longer feel sad or depressed. I just felt stuffed.

I deleted the Deliveroo -App so many times and reinstalled it again. I would decide not to do deliveroo, then keep a game night in or to keep something social, uncomfortable and unprepared and then order delivered – and do it over and over again.

The things I ordered will deteriorate from something healthy to the worst thing on the menu. I would decide not to get the membership of Deliveroo because I wanted to give it up, and find that I ordered it so many times – but I still paid the full price for each delivery. I got really good to call them up and get a full refund – by telling them that it was missing one ingredient if it did. I would say, “Look how many meals I order. Are you sure you want to lose me as a customer?” I was at a right low.

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Food is such an embarrassment to addicted – I lost the shame to have an eating disorder now that I have found the right help for it. There were many stains on the floors and the walls and stacks of pizza boxes – the good thing about Deliveroo is that you don’t have to. I have stretch marks on my stomach from overeating.

Rock bottles come at different times. We only get a few windows of opportunities and it depends on how they are set, who says it, and the desire to change.

I thought, “I can call Deliveroo one more time,” every night. I said to myself, ‘I can’t do it anymore. I kill myself. ‘ But the obsession and coercion to pick up my phone and order food was overwhelming.

A friend of mine said she was going to a 12-step repair meeting, and did I want to go with her? I had great pressure on her – so the stars aligned, and I went to Overeaters Anonymous with her. Suddenly I hear what I need to hear – and I started to exercise with food. There are many different 12-step food societies-they all have slightly different approaches: three meals a day with nothing in between, weigh and measure your food, and eat just what you want, but no sugar or white flour. I have best achieved from certain trigger foods.

For example, if I eat some chips, it’s like cocaine. Someone once told me that popcorn was the healthy option – so I bought a popcorn machine. I bought 500 g bags with kernels – it’s about 100 g per sink popcorn. And I would just do the whole thing – eating more than 3,000 calories popcorn. I had to delete my Deliveroo app and replace the addictive behavior with something new: talking to a friend or going to a recovery meeting.

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There are certain foods I can’t eat – we call them ‘alcoholic food’ or ‘red food’ – I have chips, chips, donuts, chocolates, rusks and pizza. Some foods are good to eat, but the danger exists that it causes something, so for me it is sugar -free sweets, among other things.

It helps me to have an appointment that I stopped eating the ‘red food’ – I have not been delivering deliveroo for eight years. I feel proud of myself – I don’t miss it at all. If your favorite thing gives up, your life becomes 100 times better.

It takes in vigilance – but I’m a much happier person now. I have my freedom back. I spent more than a decade without a girlfriend – or any romantic interest. Getting back on the wagon was such a painful and difficult process, to think that my love life was completely written off. I was 28, and I saw my stretch marks.

As a man, I was so embarrassed about it. I felt so fat that I ate to feel better about it. It was a vicious cycle. I no longer use Deliveroo – I make my meals myself, prepare the food and enjoy doing it. After seeing a nutritionist and working out what a balanced meal looked like, I had to relocate myself. I have my freedom back.

For anyone struggling with the issues raised in this article, charity disorder ImpactThe helpline is available 365 days a year on 0808 801 0677. NCFED offers information, resources and counseling for those suffering from eating disorders, as well as their support networks. Visit Eat-Disorders.org.uk or call 0845 838 2040